Stop calling your loved one an addict, or alcoholic. Words matter.

It's a regular occurrence in client sessions, Facebook groups and Messenger chats that I see family members refer to their loved one as an "addict" or "alcoholic".

I understand why those words are used, but not only are they not helpful, they are destructive and deeply stigmatizing.

Your love one is not an "addict".  And by that I mean their addiction is not the essence of their being.  They may have a substance use disorder that affects their brain and therefor leads to a whole host of negative actions and consequences.  

But it's not who they are.

When those words are used, even just to yourself or in conversations with other family members it reinforces a strong negative stereotype in your brain.

Using "addict" or "alcoholic" repeatedly changes the way you interact with them.  Even if you don't mean it or realize it, the use of those words affects your tone, and every interaction.  It sets up a self-fulling prophecy of negativity.

Your love one picks up on that negativity which instead of leading to a collaborative relationship and successful treatment, creates a wider rift, more anxiety, and more substance use.

Instead try this for a week.

Try deliberately using the clinical term "alcohol (or specific drug) use disorder.  It's just a few more words.  Type that instead of typing addict or alcoholic.  Do that actively for a week and just notice the difference it makes.

I believe it will make you feel more compassionate, and more understanding.

Mindfully notice any resistance to this challenge. If you find hard to make this simple change how does that impact your view on the change you want your loved one to make?

Even after people enter recovery, stigmatizing words can send them back to using, and even suicide.  Try something different. For one week.

Let me know what you notice. Then let's share with others.

By the way, I give the same suggestion to doctors and other healthcare workers, even those in the substance abuse field.

Not sure how to build a collaborative and healing relationship with your loved one?  Let's talk.