You’re different.
You’re treatment should be too.
One size does not fit all.
Imagine going into a shoe store because you finally decided to make a major life decision to improve your health and take up running. You’re nervous about this decision and it’s taken you a long time to get up the courage to take the plunge. You have lots of doubts about whether you’ll be successful and have no idea which shoe is the right fit for you.
(You) “Uh, I think I’m finally ready to take up running.”
(Store clerk) “Great I know exactly what you need.”
“You do? But I…”
“This is the most popular shoe.”
“But…how do you know that will fit me, it looks a little big.”
“Hey I’ve been doing this a long time. I know what I’m talking about. You’ll grow into it.”
“But…”
“Oh please, let me know when you’re serious.”
Hopefully after that conversation you began your running career by turning around, and yeah, ran.
Everyone approaches a decision to quit or decrease their substance use from a different place. Everyone has different past experiences, values, beliefs and needs.
One size does not fit all. That’s why I take an individual, holistic approach.
4 Mistakes that haunt alcohol over-users.
The Willpower Paradox
“Just use willpower! What’s the matter with you?!”
If only it was this easy.
A common misconception of family members is that willpower is all that’s needed to stop drinking or drugging.
The reality is this perspective only widens the communication gap between you and your loved one, leaving him further isolated with more time to engage negative ruminating thoughts.
Just the opposite of what you want.
The notion that willpower is the answer to stop drinking, and it’s failure to do so, increases feelings of shame—the driving force of the addiction cycle.
Willpower can be useful for passing up that first (or second) piece of cake but not for dealing with intense emotions that overwhelm your nervous system.
Remember alcohol and drugs cause significant changes to the brain and its response to stress, making willpower far less effective.
Solution: Don’t rely on willpower as your go-to relapse prevention skill. Address the underlying root problems (it’s not excessive thirst!) and build a series of skills that empowers you now and the rest of your life.
2. Letting your Inner Critic take Control
“You’re a fraud!”
We all have that inner voice, that play by play announcer in our head constantly criticizing and judging our every move.
Although the critic’s main role is to keep you safe, in alcohol over-users it can lead to the opposite effect, and become paralyzing.
Instead of helping you make skillful decisions it turns minor issues into catastrophes, i.e. negative thoughts on steroids.
Solution: Learn how to quell your inner critic with new skills including self-awareness and self-compassion.
3. Not taking a holistic approach
“All I have to do is stop drinking.”
Well, sort of. You could that in jail.
It’s frustrating when I see people with a strong desire to stop drinking ignore the science behind how the brain heals, and thrives.
Abstinence alone is not the answer to long term sobriety, and there is a major difference between the two words.
A holistic approach maximizes wellness by including a focus on quality of sleep, nutrition for the brain, exercise and mindfulness meditation. Without these four domains working for you, your body and brain is constantly fighting to find the nutrients and fuel to work efficiently and skillfully.
Solution: Maximize wellness with a vision beyond just not drinking and implementing a plan to strengthen your well-being.
4. Not involving the family
“I can do this myself.”
Maybe, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
Addiction is a family disease. There are no spectators.
I get it.
You’re tired of being criticized, judged and blamed.
The shame you harbor (remember that inner critic) tells you it’s safer to keep things to yourself.
But that’s a short term approach to a long term problem.
Solution: Consciously bring your family into the discussion so they can be coached how to support you, while at the same time strengthening their own self-care.
It’s a Win-Win.
I’ll show you how.
A holistic approach.
What exactly does that mean? It means taking a look at all of you. Everything affects your brain and that makes you, you. So we will discuss sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation practice, social engagements, leisure activities and everything else that makes up you.
Your brain, and your overall health is affected by many factors. In depth discussion of sleep, nutrition, gut health, exercise, meditation are critical for your long term success. These topics aren’t luxuries. They can all affect your ability to handle stress, as well as your long term health. Your brain isn’t compartmentalized into the addiction part and everything else—it’s all interconnected.
The first session is a two hour appointment, usually referred to as an assessment. Often clients are surprised that asking about what drugs they’ve used is the last set of questions we talk about. There’s a lot more to you then the drug(s). It’s from that framework that together we create a treatment plan tailored to your needs, your goals.
The initial assessment does more than provide me a lot of information about you. It provides an opportunity for you to see my style of connecting, my experience, wisdom, compassion, and yeah, my sense of humor. Your commitment for the assessment is $350.
Harm Reduction
To be honest very few individuals come here already committed to a lifetime of abstinence. What’s much more common is a sense that something in your life is out of whack. Maybe you’re tired of feeling hungover or blacking out. You enjoy drinking but realize that you’re drinking too much and you’re just not sure how to cut down, and you have this feeling that just maybe it’s getting in the way of achieving your life goals and dreams— and it’s interfering with your values. Maybe while everyone else can smoke weed occasionally, you’re doing it multiple times a day and it’s having real life consequences.
My goal is to help you achieve your goals. Everyone that comes to my office has different goals. Tell me yours.
“Harm reduction is meeting a person where they’re at—but not leaving them there.”
Check out the harm reduction video. Or this blog. Then give me a call 513-666-1413 and let’s talk about how to get balance back in your life.
Therapy
What happens in therapy? Is it smoke and mirrors? Hocus-pocus stuff?
Real changes occur when I engage with a person in therapy. Exactly how that happens is different for every person because every person has different goals, and responds differently to interpersonal communication styles.
But somethings are consistent in my approach.
I use a lot of mindfulness skills in therapy. What does that mean? One definition is “paying attention, on purpose, in a particular way, without judgement, as if your life depended on it.” Without awareness of what you’re thinking and feeling in the present moment you are much more likely to REACT as if on autopilot. Someone pisses you off, and boom, you’re mind is thinking about using.
But a person who can hit the Pause Button, and put a few seconds between the trigger (a person, emotion, place, thing) can learn to RESPOND in a mindful manner. There’s freedom when there’s a choice.
This means that you can be guaranteed to be received in a nonjudgmental environment. You already have enough shame. So blaming, shaming and judging have no room in our therapy sessions. That doesn’t mean I won’t call you on your BS, but I’ll do it from a space of compassion, probably mixed with humor. I’ll help you learn the skills to quiet that inner critic. I mean enough already, right?!
“People do the best they can with the resources they have.”
Let me help strengthen your resources, your resilience.
Check out It’s The Blog and click “all” to learn more about my approach and important topics.
Families in Addiction
Addiction is a family disease. You know this. The person suffering with an addiction is not the only person suffering. Family members too feel as if they are on a never ending roller coaster.
It’s not uncommon to see significant emotional distress, and even physical distress, occur among family members.
Therapy for family members is an integral part of the healing process. In fact no reputable residential program would admit an individual without a commitment from family members to participate.
The same is true while the addicted person is receiving outpatient therapy. Sometimes it’s family members who seek out help first. I’ve been trained in the Invitation to Change (ITC) approach which combines Motivational Interviewing, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). ITC empowers parents and family members develop a process to shift perspective and flexibility, critical to reinforcing behavioral changes that can lead your loved one into treatment. I’ll help you navigate the balance between helping your loved one and your own well-being.
It’s understandable that family members want a quick solution to the problem they face. But this is a process that requires patience and practice. If your tolerance for stress is low your ability to internalize and implement the skills I’ll teach you will also be low. Your brain, and your overall health is affected by many factors. In depth discussion of sleep, nutrition, gut health, exercise, meditation are critical for your long term success and health. These topics aren’t luxuries. Your brain isn’t compartmentalized into the part dealing with your loved one’s addiction and everything else—it’s all interconnected.
Guidelines for Positive Communication
Knowing what to say and how to say things makes all the difference between successful collaboration, guiding your loved one into treatment and maintaining sobriety vs. blaming, judging and shaming that only pushes your loved one deeper into the arms of addiction. Here are some basic guidelines (or watch in the video below).
Be brief. Many say more than necessary when haven’t planned in advance. Think about your core request and rehearse it to be as concise as possible. Too many words or too long and your loved will tune out.
Be positive. Word choice, tone and framing. Are you being critical and harsh or positive, inclusive and hopeful? Words matter. Choose words that will be heard and not put your loved one on the defensive.
Refer to specific behaviors. Vague requests will be ignored or misunderstood and difficult to turn into concrete action. Make it something measurable. Something you can measure with a video camera, not “Stop lying.”
Label your feelings. Share positive (gratitude) and negative feelings (worry, hurt) in a brief concise way to elicit empathy.
Offer an understanding statement. Put yourself in your loved one shoes and try to actually understand what they were thinking and why. Doesn’t matter if you agree. You’re trying to foster communication. If your loved one hears understanding you will cut through the natural tendency to be defensive.
Accept partial responsibility. Yeah this is tough. But even if it’s a small piece of responsibility is demonstrates a willingness to partner in finding a solution instead of always appearing to blame and judge.
Offer to help. Phrase it as a question, nonjudgmentaly “How can I help?” Or “What would be helpful?” Is another way to foster collaboration
Perfecting these skills requires practice and feedback. Using them before you're ready can backfire. Together we can practice and rehearse these skills to help you guide your loved one into treatment and beyond.
The Airplane rule
A loved one with an addiction can wear you out! Self-care is not a luxury, it’s a requirement —regardless of how well your loved one is doing. Furthermore if you are approaching your loved one from a space of positive emotional health your impact will be significantly greater. Let’s talk about how your self-care impacts you and the entire family.
Resources for families.
Thrive! Family Addiction Support Facebook group
Book: Beyond Addiction
Podcast: The Beyond Addiction Show
Coaching for Behavioral Addictions.
Coaching is available for individuals challenged by behavioral addictions (sex, food, gaming, Internet).
1. Gaming and Internet Addiction: Mark is the only provider in Ohio listed for the treatment of adults on olganon.org, the international resource for gaming addiction. Outpatient services.
2. Food Addiction: The opposite of being mindful, is rather simply, being "mindless." Nowhere does that happen more often than when we eat. Food is of course necessary to our survival and source of great social enjoyment. But it is for many a source of great anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and premature death. We read countless books on what to eat, but rarely get off autopilot long enough to contemplate why we eat.
Learning to be aware of the emotional triggers for food, from a perspective of compassion and kindness, leads to a greater ability to control what and when you eat, and how much. This is just one example of how incorporating mindfulness into your life can reduce emotional stress, and make you physically healthier.
3. Sex Addiction: Mark developed and taught a course on sex addiction in 2003-4 at the University of Cincinnati, one of the first full credit undergraduate courses on sex addiction in the country.
Your commitment to better health. And a word or two about insurance.
Fees for therapy sessions are $175 for a 50 minute session and $125 for a 30 minute session. I work as hard as you do. Consistently upgrading my skills and embracing a holistic approach requires a continued commitment to my own education, which I share with you. My practice is private pay.
Many therapists do not accept insurance network benefits because of the issues that exist within the insurance system. Not only does self-pay benefit the therapist, but it is also very beneficial for you as a client. Some reasons why self-pay is more beneficial for clients include:
1. Confidentiality: If you utilize health insurance, mental health treatment history can be a part of your permanent medical record. If your employer requires healthcare checks, they may find out that you are seeking mental health or addiction treatment. This means that my clients don’t have to fear their insurance company reading about their diagnosis, session notes and progress. Treatment is never limited by arbitrary standards set by insurance companies (and each one is different!). Only myself and individuals you specifically designate will have access to your most personal information.
2. Diagnosis: Insurance plans require you to have a documented diagnosis to justify treatment. Not all clients who seek help meet criteria for a mental health diagnosis, and not all clients are comfortable with their diagnostic information being released to their insurance provider. These diagnoses can be a part of your permanent medical record and can follow you around throughout your life. A diagnosis could also be used to deny you insurance coverage in the future, such as life insurance.
3. Treatment limitations: Insurance companies often try to keep costs low and they can dictate the length and type of treatment, even if it is not in your best interest.
4. Therapist limitations: Insurance companies can make it much more difficult to find a therapist that is right for you. When you use your insurance benefits, you must find a therapist that is in your insurance company’s network. The therapists in your insurance network may not be right for you, and this means that therapy may be less successful. Also, if you get a new job and change insurance companies, you may have to find a new therapist in your new insurance network.
5. Cost: Although self-pay therapy might seem like it is a lot of money, it can be close to or as affordable as using your insurance benefits. Most insurance companies require you to pay a co-pay for every session of therapy. Sometimes these co-pays can be so expensive that self-pay therapy is the same price or close to the same price. Other individuals have a very large deductible before the insurance even kicks in.