Are you sober curious?

Maybe….tell me more.

That’s a great place to start.  Alcohol is interwoven into almost every aspect of our social fabric. Before the pandemic closed down bars and restaurants, drinking was everywhere. And how has COVID-19 affected the amount we drink? Well let’s take a quiz.

Since stay at home orders went into place alcohol consumption has:

A) decreased significantly

B) increased by 15%

C) increased by 30%

D) increased by 55%

The correct answer is D, for drinking. That’s a lot. And hey, worldwide consumption was going through the roof even before the pandemic.

But what if it doesn’t have to be that way.

Curious? Even a little bit? Perhaps you, or someone you care about, drinks more than is healthy, exceeding public health guidelines (7 drink units per week for women and 14 for men) but haven’t yet had any serious consequences. You haven’t had a DUI (thank you Uber) or other alcohol fueled legal consequences, you sleep indoors every night, not walking around with a brown paper bag, and at least before the world turned upside down, had a job.

But maybe this kind of drinking is you.

You’re drinking more frequently, consuming a greater amount and continue to blowoff hangovers and blackouts as if they are normal parts of life. Maybe people have mentioned you’re not nearly as funny as you think you are when you’re Face Timing or texting drunk.

If you’re like a lot of heavy drinkers you’re well aware that you’ve been ignoring the health consequences, chalking it up to, “hey everybody I know drinks this much,” or “what else is there to do in a pandemic?”, or “everyone will make fun of me if I’m not drinking.” “I’m young!” Or something else.

One size does not fit all.

The problem with the all or none traditional treatment model is that it fuels shame and self-criticism. It’s okay if AA is not for you. There are multiple avenues to changing your relationship with alcohol (and don’t kid yourself, it is a relationship). If you think there’s only one way, it can be very intimidating to try an alternative path, just as it can be intimidating to go against the social grain and not drink.

Few people walk into my office asking to help them never drink again. They may eventually reach the decision that total sobriety is the best choice, but most people arrive with significant ambivalence. They know they drink too much but not sure they want to stop completely. But they, and often the people they live with, are tired of ignoring the serious physical and emotional effects of drinking, and living as if alcohol is the answer, or excuse for everything.

And did I mention that alcohol significantly weakens your immune system. As does smoking. Not exactly what you want to be doing anytime, but particularly now.

So what’s being sober curious look like?

First of all start by being kind to yourself. Alcohol is often used to dull the senses and escape negative feelings, particularly ones of boredom, loneliness, self-doubt—to escape stress of any kind. And it’s harder now. There’s nothing wrong with you. Life is harder for everyone.

Take this time to practice self-compassion. I have asked every client, “What’s the blessing in all of this?”. Maybe for you it’s creating space to take a look at why you drink and get curious about what one day, one night, or even one event would look like without alcohol. I can honestly guarantee that you can watch your governor’s daily briefing without alcohol. You’ll survive, I promise. Will you be uncomfortable without alcohol? Probably. Not to sound too cliche but maybe this is the time to learn how get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to retrain your brain, and build resilience.

We have an unlimited supply of curiosity. It’s a superpower we all possess. I’m happy to help you discover how to embark on a sober curious adventure, and engage your world in a mindful way. You can make an appointment for an online session here. If you’re not sure, I offer a free 15 minute conversation on phone or Zoom, if you’re curious.

I also engage people with a free weekly, online mindfulness stress reduction class. No experience in mindfulness necessary, just stress:) Register for free.